Cornholio for President 2024

Qualifications

Extensive prior experience in the office of the president

Only 31 years old. Down with the gerontocracy!

Not a jerk who uses too much tanning lotion and orange hair dye.

Hasn't scored with a porn star. Thought he was going to score, but didn't.

Not an embalmed corpse that is secretly controlled by 3 small children through an elaborate Mechanical Turk-like mechanism.

Speech patterns are slightly more coherent than your grandpa.

A God-fearing Christian who actively fears the Almighty Bunghole.

Will continue to beat Medicare in order to increase funding for TP for America's bungholes

Will support disease tracking for COVID-19, RSV, and the flu by taking all of America's caca.

Protection of domestic industries and American jobs by threatening China with the wrath of America's bunghole.

Will take TP from all countries who threaten America!

Implementation of limited preferential trade with Lake Titicaca.

Last updated: Fri Jun 28 17:38:32 EDT 2024